


If I Didn't Have

by kitnkabootle



Category: Losing Chase (1996)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-15
Updated: 2013-07-15
Packaged: 2017-12-20 07:40:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/884711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kitnkabootle/pseuds/kitnkabootle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What happened if Elizabeth came back</p>
            </blockquote>





	If I Didn't Have

\---

Elizabeth stands on the deck of the ferry boat marked 'Martha's Vineyard' and looks out across the vast waters of Nantucket Sound. She allows her eyes to close as she inhales the salty sea air and indulges in the feel of the wind as it whips tendrils of her golden hair around her shoulders, like waves lapping hungrily at the shore.

Everything seems so easy from here, almost routine. One would never think she was risking her humility, her vanity and even her heart in this completely spontaneous bout of insanity.

Her fingers cling to the railing, the steel grounding her to the world and keeping her from flight of mind that wants to propel her backwards, or forwards (she isn't quite certain yet). All that Elizabeth is certain of, is that she has only just found who she is. More importantly, Elizabeth has only now discovered what she is missing.

The ferry ride is short and Elizabeth returns to her car as the boat docks and the passengers prepare to disembark. It's the very same car. Elizabeth has never felt as though she has owned it, although by right it is officially her property.

Her fingers pass over the steering wheel as she considers an afternoon past when separate hands caressed its surface. She bites into the soft pink flesh of her lower lip and peers into her rear view mirror. It's not her eyes she sees. She sees beautiful eyes of crystalline, graced by the delicate passing of time, squinting in the sunlight. She blinks and when she looks back, she isn't surprised that it is only her face she sees.

The car sputters to life when the key mates with the ignition and the car glides easily behind the ones before it, and before the ones behind it. She looks out over the marina as she passes, remembering a time on the dock long ago, when she had said goodbye.

There had been so many reasons then that she had said goodbye. Right now, she can't think of one of them.

Everything has felt wrong for the past three years. Every day seemed to bring her further and further away from Martha's Vineyard. Further and further from Chase.

Chase.

Her fingers begin to tremble on the wheel as a flock of butterflies take flight in her stomach. She hasn't spoken to Chase since she left, but it isn't as though she hasn't wanted to. There'd been so much to say and so much she wanted to express. Nothing felt right. No words she could commit to paper and certainly no mumbled conversation over the telephone.

She owed that much to Chase.

It didn't take her long to drive along the island's coast, down the weaving roads and right into the place that had been her home while she had been in Chase's employ. In Chase's life.

She presses her foot gently to the break as she pulls her car to a stop outside of the salt-stained house on the cliff near the beach, and for a minute it feels as though she has only been out to the store. It feels as though only hours have passed since the last time she has done this. She can hardly believe it's been so many years.

Elizabeth opens the door and walks towards the front porch, stopping when she sees a white sign sticking out of the brush. The sign is a realtor sign reading 'For Sale' and in bold red print posted diagonally across it there is a plank that reads 'SOLD'.

The front door is open and Elizabeth can hear plates rattling around inside. It sounds like someone packing a box and Elizabeth feels her anxiety mounting. She is thankful that she has arrived in time, but worried that she is now finally at fate's door and must face her fear for a chance at her desire.

Her own feet sound louder then she remembers on the front porch steps and the boards groan and creek under her slight weight. She hears the plates again, and for a minute Elizabeth expects to see one whiz out of the open kitchen window and crack loudly against the target on the tree. It's still there.

Summoning her courage, Elizabeth lifts her knuckles to the open door and she raps them against the wood. The noises from the kitchen stop, and Elizabeth sucks in a large breath of air as she waits.

Finally, a woman comes around the corner. Elizabeth's heart falls.

It's not Chase.

This woman looks to be roughly the same age as Chase, but she is taller. She has red hair that sweeps around her face, highlighting her pale skin and piercing navy blue eyes. She has a thin nose and high cheekbones and she is wearing elegantly applied makeup.

Elizabeth feels suddenly self-conscious and she tucks a wavy strand of hair behind her ear.

The woman approaches with a cautious smile at her lips, untying the apron she wears with slender fingers and slipping the blue material over her head. She folds it over her arm and cocks her head to the side, waiting for Elizabeth to make the first move.

Elizabeth clears her throat and nervously entwines her fingers in an attempt at looking as natural and relaxed as possible, regardless of the fact that her whole world is crashing down around her.

"I'm sorry... I was... I must of..." Elizabeth's eyes swivel to the side as if what she's supposed to say is written somewhere on the door frame. "I'm looking for Chase Phillips."

The woman's brow arches delicately, and Elizabeth wants this woman to be cruel and show some kind of fault to make her feel better that she has taken her place. But the woman's voice is friendly, serene and intelligent, "Chase... oh I see! I'm afraid you've just missed her!"

Elizabeth feels fingers clenching around her heart, squeezing the life right out of her. She dips her head in a nod and then shakes her head. "Do you think... she'll be back soon?"

The woman indulges her with a pleasant smile and Elizabeth wishes she had never met her, never come back to the island. She wishes for what she's lost - for the world she has created in her dreams, waiting for her return. It appears life at Martha's Vineyard has gone on without her.

"I don't imagine so, no. I'd offer to leave a note for her, but I'm af--"

Elizabeth holds up a hand, her fingers trembling. She tries to steady them but there is no use. "Oh... no, no it's fine."

"Well I'm very sorry you missed her." the red-haired beauty responds, smoothing her hand along her pale forearm.

Elizabeth nods and feels tears stinging at her eyes. She turns and hurries down the wooden steps that creek their disapproval. She wants to run to the car but she is aware of the woman standing in the doorway watching her, and her pride forbids her from making a fool of herself.

When she opens the car door she can hear a rumble down the drive and she watches a car kicking up dirt as it travels along the gravel path. She holds her hand across her brow, squinting her eyes as it nears. When the car slows to a stop, Elizabeth can't believe it.

Chase Phillips emerges from the convertible with her eyes locked firmly with Elizabeth's, clouds of dust misting around her as though she is an angel fallen from heaven.

Elizabeth can't stop the tears this time. Her eyes cloud, her vision blurs and her cheeks wet with moisture as the tears of three long years roll down her cheeks.

Chase takes a hesitant step forward and then a few more until she is standing in front of Elizabeth. Then to her surprise, the older woman's arms encircle hers and she lets herself be drawn against the curve of Chase's body.

Her nose presses to Chase's neck and she can smell the perfume she remembers so vividly from when they had last embraced. She can feel her tears wet the fragile skin at Chase's neck and she pulls back, looking into Chase's eyes.

Chase's eyes are dark but forgiving. Their gaze is fixed on one another for what seems like hours before Chase's lashes fall like a veil across her irises and Elizabeth feels herself drawn forward into a passionate kiss.

Elizabeth feels her heart beating to record speeds in her chest and her pulse feels like its racing along her veins. She feels alive. Her fingers snake into Chase's hair and twine into the pale blond strands easily. Their tongues meet between parted lips and the heat of Chase's breath against her lips makes Elizabeth groan.

There's a noise on the gravel road, the gate creaks and both Chase and Elizabeth reluctantly pull apart. Elizabeth sees the red haired woman at the fencepost and suddenly the guilt creeps up her throat. She fears she's caused a number of problems for Chase, regardless of the woman's own actions in kind and she can feel her heart choking like a dying motor.

But the woman is smiling. She lifts her hand and waves.

Chase waves back, "Sorry Angela - I forgot to leave you the spare keys for the shed." Chase lifts her fingers and jangles them before tossing them to Angela.

Angela catches them, "It appears that isn't all you forgot. See you later Chase!" Angela gives the ladies a knowing, amused smile and then turns and heads back into the house.

When Elizabeth looks back to Chase incredulously, Chase is smiling "Angela's the new owner of my house. I've moved."

"I.... oh my... I thought--" Elizabeth stutters but Chase pulls her into a fiercely tight embrace and whispers into her ear, "I didn't think you'd come back. I thought - I'd... never see you again."

Elizabeth swallows, the tears collecting in her eyes again. She moves back just enough to look into Chase's beautiful eyes. "It was you Chase... always you. "

And as Chase gathers her into yet another embrace and places thankful kisses along her jaw line, Elizabeth can't help but be amused by the first Virginia Woolf reference that enters her mind.

'For there she was'.

And there, Elizabeth decided, she would always be.

\---

The End

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Don't sue please! The original character belongs to me (based on the lovely Gates McFadden), the other more recognizable characters belong to the writers and filmmakers of the movie Losing Chase.
> 
> Author's note: Happy Birthday Part 2 to jenc81!!!
> 
> Originally Posted on LiveJournal - November 10th, 2009


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